May 12th, 2005


(no subject)

The new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie is a horrible travesty. I don't mean that like a nerd going "oh no they changed things", I mean it's just a really really horrible movie. There are specific things they changed which annoyed me, but not "oh no, it is different and therefore bad", but rather "what the hell, why did they completely remove the humour from this situation".

To pick an example that particularly stood out, when Ford and Arthur are awaiting being ejected from the Vogon ship quite near the start, in any sensible version the dialogue goes something like this:
"We're going to die, aren't we?"
"Yes... wait, no, what's this?"
"Nothing, I was just kidding, we are going to die."
But in this stupid new version, it instead goes more like this:
"We're going to die aren't we?"
"Yes... wait, no, what's this?"
"Oh, no, that's no use after all. We are going to die."
Honestly, do Americans have no black sense of humour at all? And I don't mean a black sense of humour like "y'see, white folks drive like this, eeeeeh, eeeeh, and black folks, we drive like this, doo-doo-doo-doo".

Even Alan Rickman sucked as Marvin's voice, which I would have thought would be quite good. And Marvin looked like a giant version of Zim's GIR. And Zaphod's modern method of having two heads was bloody stupid. And there was something horribly wrong with Trillian for no good reason. The only thing that didn't suck was Slartibartfast, and even so he still wasn't as good as the old TV-series rendition.

I'm told the dreadful dolphin song at the beginning actually comprises one of the trailers for the movie. If I'd seen that trailer, I'd have known not to see the movie. Five seconds of that song had me losing nearly all hope for the movie, but foolishly I was hoping the song was being ironic. It wasn't. Unless perhaps the whole movie was made in an ironic way.