May 18th, 2005

rain

(no subject)

A fantastic page of ridiculous Australia-based gifts, mostly of activities. A few of them are reasonable gifts at a reasonable price (eg. $99 to fly a glider for a bit), but some of the sillier options are brilliant. Highlights:

"Life Coaching by Email - Two Months" for $99. What a bargain. I hope the life coaching is like "lol dont pay $99 for emails u moran". I especially like the idea of getting this as a gift for someone. It's $99 to say "stop whining at me about your pathetic problems".

"Paintballing for Two - AWESOME!!! The most adrenalin pumping action and adventure that anybody can take part in." This is the only entry that says AWESOME!!!, so one can only assume that all of the other activities are entirely non-AWESOME!!!

"Facial with Marine Herbs" - snigger.

"Coffee Experience Course - Have six bags of premium coffees delivered direct to your door and learn how to make the perfect cup’!" I'm not sure what that apostrophe is doing there. The blurb also describes it as a Coffee Appreciation Course. Which is it really? How much Coffee Experience before you level-up?

"Gondola Cruise - River Torrens". This one is especially funny for a British person now living in Australia. Familiarity with the old Cornetto advertisements ("just one cornetto" sung to the tune of O Sole Mio on Venetian gondolas), combined with familiarity with Australian accents. Perhaps just as funny with the stereotype for the accent, though, like the Simpsons' player of knifey-spoony. Gondolas are just tremendously out of place on Australian rivers. Jus' one cornetto, mate? Aw go on?

"Cheese Tasting Experience - This is whey good." Yes, it really says that.

"Kite Surfing - This 2 hour lesson will teach you the fundamentals of kite surfing and will conclude with your body dragging in the shallows behind the kite."

"House Colour Consultation". Yes, that is what it sounds like. Pay $99 to have someone tell you what colour to paint your house. Tell you what, pay me $99. Blue.

"Butterfly Intimate Release". This isn't what you might think (link not work-safe). It's actually that you pay $99 to have two butterflies released from a box near you, and a picture is taken. Um.

"Night Sky Star Ceiling Portal". Someone paints stars on your ceiling. Really. That's what it is.

Then a look at some of the insanity in the $250 range - perhaps even more insane than the $99 two months of Life Coaching By Email, we have the $250 "Happiness Coaching 1 Hour Session". Expanding on the $99 Cheese Tasting Experience, we have a $250 Wine and Cheese Tasting Experience... but it's apparently not whey good. There's a Night Sky Star Ceiling, which is seemingly absolutely indistinguishable from the Night Sky Star Ceiling Portal except for being more expensive.

In $500 we have Paintball Extreme For 2, which isn't AWESOME!!!, but "it is a mixture of hide and seek and tag." We also have a "Cheese Tasting Extravaganza" Screw that wine from the $250 set, Extravaganz is worth much more. And there's Kite Surfing that doesn't end with your body dragging along, which I suppose is a bonus.