May 24th, 2005

rain

(no subject)

With June approaching, it's about time I posted my Vegan Christmas Dinner recipe.

You will need:
  • some sort of loaf-ish sized tin
  • two saucepans
  • A baking tray
  • Half a red cabbage
  • Two cooking apples, or two reasonably tart apples such as granny smiths and a bit of lemon juice
  • Between a third and half a kilogram of mixed nuts (mine are peanuts, cashews, almonds, pistachios, hazelnuts, macadamias)
  • Some bread, probably the ends of some old bread that you weren't going to eat anyway
  • Some stuff to make vegan gravy
  • Some potatoes
  • Some grapeseed oil
First, shove your nuts in a blender. Ho ho, no, the mixed nuts you zany buffoon! Also put the bread in there at the same time, and blend them both until you have a coarse substance (about 2mm-3mm lumps). Adding a bit of flour to this will make the roast bind a little better, if you prefer.

Grease the loaf-ish sized tin, then tip the nuts-and-bread into it. Flatten the surface out, then add water slowly and evenly until there's a few millimetres of water over the top of the stuff. Stir it around a bit if you like. Shove that in the oven at a fairly low temperature (250-300F).

Wash the red cabbage, then tear it up and throw it in a saucepan on a low heat, with a lid. If it dried between washing it and entering the pan, add just a tiny splash of water. Now peel and core the apples, chop them up into smallish pieces, and mix them in with the cabbage. If your apples weren't cooking apples, also add a splash of lemon juice. Stir that occasionally for a long time.

When the cabbage has been on for a couple of hours, cut up your potatoes into inch-to-two-inch pieces, brush them with grapeseed oil or whatever oil you like really, shove them in the oven (that's what the baking tray is for) with the nut-thing - put the potatoes on a higher shelf - and turn the oven up to about 350F. Keep on with stirring the cabbage occasionally.

The potatoes are just being roast potatoes. Surely you know how that works? You might want to turn them over or something at some point, but really they'll still be fine if you don't. If the nut-thing reaches a dark brown colour at any point in the cooking process, take it out of the oven - it's perfectly good reheated, so there's no need to burn it just because other things aren't ready yet. The cabbage pretty much can't be overcooked, so leaving that on for too long is always alright within reason. IF YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN THEN IT WAS NOT WITHIN REASON.

When the potatoes look nearly done, since they're the one component whose timing is actually important, make the gravy in that other saucepan. Now put all the things on a plate and eat them. You probably shouldn't put the gravy on the red cabbage, but do put it on the potatoes and nut-roast. Unless you don't like gravy, in which case you shouldn't even have made it. You don't have to follow a recipe to the letter, you know. My recipes barely even have letters, so there's no excuse.

Next day, forget anew how nice roast potatoes are, and don't make them again for another six months, or until someone's blog reminds you.